and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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