Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have fence marks all over my body
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
