Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
