I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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