shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Randomize
