Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
