I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am mentally ready for anal.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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