just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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