I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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