I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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