I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
