Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
