I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
