we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
