not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize