he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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