i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
