I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
