Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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