I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
