ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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