dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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