i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
