I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
