An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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