Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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