It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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