You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
