can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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