I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
