you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
