From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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