Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i think my tv is drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
