Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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