his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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