; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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