this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
