I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
