Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
