New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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