I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
