you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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