Are we in a gay sports bar?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
