So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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