You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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