You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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