I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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