We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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