There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
