Can i not drive my cunt home
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
