it hurts more in the daytime
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
