She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
