It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
this will be a night to untag.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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