Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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