i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
