In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
