I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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