I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
