I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
