i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
