she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I CAN MOONWALK!
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
