I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
