it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
