FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
