i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
