so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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