smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
